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December 26, 2003 #
 Three to get red-eye... Here from the Guest Editor's office in bucolic CT, we are incredibly tired of sitting in front of the hearth trying not to nod off during dad's retelling for the thousandth time about why he didn't have to go to 'Nam. So we came up with the following four things I plan to talk about once it's my turn to speak. But wait. I am last in line, and that line includes the two Yorkshire Terriers who apparently can sing along to "Grandma Got Runover By a Reindeer," and my brother, a famously loquacious SOB who has spent the last hour in the can prepping for this very moment by reading back issues of 4X4 Off-Road and Car & Driver magazines. The correct air pressure to inflate your Wooly Bullies or Torque Twister Twos will be explained and the history of the hemi as recounted by Brock Yates will surely be discounted with many references to "Phantasm." 'Nuff said. The topics I hope to moderate are loosely threaded (not unlike Drew Barrymore's ass beads) with the theme: Why The Terror Threat Level Was Raised 1. Daily Candy got sold for $3.5 million. This is as if your high school newspaper was bought by Conde Nast. Just imagine that fucking geek who thought he was Walter Winchell scoping out the honeys in the caf. His fucking head would explode inside that fedora he wears with the 3"X5" card that says "Scoop" tucked in the brim. 2. Will Ferrell is being lauded for two movies this year. Don't believe the hype: Will Ferrell is your fat uncle Ted minus the drinking problem. On the other hand, uncle Ted is the only one not farting at Xmas dinner, since he's passed out still clinging to your grandma's skirt like the nancy boy the booze makes him. 3. Jews are hot again. The Jew has been hot since Sarah Silverman invaded my wet dreams lo those many moons ago. Boy would I love to gild her gelt. 4. A site called CollegeHumor.com picked up Krucoff's Olsen Twins bit from just a couple days gone by. Blogs really can go mainstream! Of course, by that I mean 100 meters off the main stream and into the woods where date rapes and juvenile pissing contests occur. It is here - underneath a pile of wet leaves, Busch Light cans, and a puking frat pledge - that the foundation lies for the Comedy 101 stylings of every college satirical rag trying to replicate The Onion. Guest Editor Chris Gage Thanks God It's Free soup with sandwich day at his favorite bistro in New Canaan. Krucoff.com's "The Other Page" powered by Removable Hype. The information contained in this web site is subject to change without objection. Copyright © 2003 La Otra Página, Inc. All nights observed. |
