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January 5, 2004 #
 The Great White Gay. So I was thinking...it's New Year's Eve day, we have no plan, why not invite everyone over to Stanton St. and tell them it's a Brazilian theme party where tradition involves wearing all-white on this night? Bad Idea Jeans. Fashion by APC, Jane wearing my vintage NASCAR jacket and helmet, MC battles, and Bud Tall Boys. I love my red(neck) gay son. More incriminating evidence can be found at RomanHeights.com. Muckraping Monday. My #1 resolution was to stop talking about other website folk but that includes almost everyone I know. (#2 Get new friends and maybe a life.) So, folk me gently with a chainsaw I guess. It's too easy, much fun, and I will probably cling desperately to this obsession with certain people forever. (Kids, that's what we in the industry call "sarcastic foreshadowing" and it looms large enough to cover all of the LES in complete darkness.) Perhaps a regular installment, I'm gonna give some feedback, of the ear-bleeding variety, on stuff I've read elsewhere. Please set the 'gain' real high and break out the whammy bar if you must, let's rock... A. Checking out Lockhart Steele's 2003 Lower East Side Awards is a must primarily cause I've never heard of and much less been to most of the places mentioned. (#3 Stop limiting myself to McDonald's, Subway, and San Loco.) But even I know his overlook of Royal 151 on Rivington as one of the best new bars is unexcusable. To be fair, it's one block east of Schiller's and god knows he can't make it past that place without shooting a load...OF MONEY, people! Jizz. I mean, geez. But seriously, I'm no longer joking. Mr. Dudehampton's admiration of Schiller's/Wylie/etc has gone too far. He's gonna need some WD-40 Lip Applicator soon for giving great, uh, "love" to these people. (Lock, if you stop this freakish fixation then I'll put an end to mine of you. Deal?) Anyway, back to 151 which hardly needs any lubrication to be appreciated. 2-4-1 Happy Hour goes to 10pm and the music (pause) well, "these go to 11." Some nights you get a live recording of a Led Zep show but other times it's aural bliss with a good mix of punk/indie/60's Motown. Bonus thrills with the really hot filth-mouth bartender on Tuesdays. I see your "ass-pounding" and raise you a "smell my fist!" B. Jami, dear friend, didn't we cover this? So NOW you get the point of The Hole as if the name doesn't speak for itself? Look, for good reason, I made us go there TWICE in one evening. Hanging out in bathrooms and making out with cute lesbians never gets old. (#4 Meet more lesbians.) C. Technically I didn't read this anywhere, but party hats off to Catherine for throwing a great "Beneath The Surface" NYE Bash on that fabled Rivington block. I'm sorry for not showing up until 3am, and for being dressed in all-white, and missing the karaoke, and for my friends hitting each other with those giant inflatable microphones. My only bone to pick and eyes to scratch out are with your roommate, Tamar. Introductions should not start by slurring, "Krucoff?! I hate your fuckin' website!" Thanks love, naturally I do too but I use my quiet voice when I castigate myself. And another thing Ms. Sassy Lassieberg, strictly between us tribe members, if you mess with me again I will definitely bust your hymie in two. (#5 Make more Jew on Jew threats.) Archives "The Other Page" powered by Removable Hype. Copyright © 2003 La Otra Página, Inc. All nights observed. Feel free to email "info(at)krucoff.com" for questions, comments, stock tips, and family gossip. |
